I am reading this book right now, and it is making me laugh. It's really good. I can totally see my family in parts of the family that the story is about. It also flips between present day and the 80's when the sister and two brothers were growing up. Again, I can relate!!
And my family is psychotic....love them to pieces, but oh my gosh we can be a weird bunch. This past Saturday was my grandma's 94th birthday. If you know me, you know I am super close to my grandma. We spend alot of time together and my kids love her. She lives just a few blocks away from us and I am her personal chauffeur and fix-it-gal. I often call her my 4th child who does not live with me. Lately, she is totally stressing me out. She is in the beginning stages of dementia and I am having a real hard time dealing with this. She would be horrified to know the things she asks about, can't remember. She has always been the strong, tough, no nonsense kind of gal. Always on the bubble. She has guided me through university (she did not have the opportunity to go to university so was always so proud that me and my cousins could go), boyfriends, career choices, kid advice.
We went to pick her up for her birthday dinner on Saturday and she asked if we had a new truck...it is the same truck we have had for three years, the same one we pick her up in every single week. She comes out of her condo with just light slacks and a t-shirt on...it was a chilly evening and she was shivering. I asked her if she wanted me to run and grab her jacket, she said "Why would I need a jacket?" We took her to her favorite restaurant and I had reserved the booth we always sit at and as we were walking in, she says she had never been there before. She asked why my mom was not coming to the birthday supper...I told her again, for about the 12th time, mom was travelling overseas.
This breaks my heart. To see someone just deteriorate right before me...she was always such vibrant and chatty gal, but now this is just a shell of her. I hate it. I hate that this is the memory my kids will have of her. I hate that my husband gets annoyed with her. I hate that she struggles to hold it all together but also knows in her heart that she is failing. This past summer she had two nasty falls. I was there for both of them. I hated it, picking her up and carrying her to the sofa...like a child...she would be horrified....horrified! And my kids saw it all too. And I was trying not to cry and hold myself together so none of them would see my own crazy fear. It's getting to be too much and I don't know what to do.
5 comments:
I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma. That's really tough. All those conflicting emotions. When I was a kid, my Grandma was really old, fat, and smelled. Unfortunately that is all I remember about her. It was only when I got older, I wished I had more of a relationship with her; to ask her questions about why and how she came to Canada, etc.
Life can be very hard -- take care Kelly. I'll say a prayer for you. :)
i can understand the pain of what you are going through - i'm going through a similar situation with my granny. also dementia and also in her early 90's. feel free to get my email from jenna if you want to chat about what you are going through.
big hugs to you! your granny is blessed to have you in her life.
its tough kelly...no way around it. TOUGH. Hang in there!
I can relate to how difficult your situation is. Hang in there.
Your Granny is really lucky to have you. I think dementia is as tough, if not tougher, to deal with than death. You are mourning the loss of the person you knew, but they are still physically present.
Like Jenna said, there is no way around the fact it is tough, but stay real and ask for support when you need it too.
Hugs to you :-)
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