Thursday, January 14, 2010

a heavy heart

My Mom's bff lost her battle with cancer yesterday.
I hate cancer. Cancer is a bitch. Cancer makes me cry.
She was diagnosed in May with breast cancer, it was super aggressive and she died yesterday morning. My Mom is very sad but glad her buddy is out of pain. What an ordeal!
Not fair really, to have that happen to such a wonderful person.
But cancer didn't care. It swept her away and was not very nice about it.
Mom went to many a chemo appointment with her...stayed over at her house when things were rough...talked to doctors and nurses and tried to make her comfortable for those last few days. Even arranged to have someone come to do her nails. She travelled to Washington with her pal to see some fancy cancer doctor. The things you do for friends. She always says "When your friends are down...you have to stand up for them."
Mom seems okay but I am angry. Really angry and I don't understand.
She tells me I never will understand but I need to. How do you understand such nonsense? It happened so quickly and she didn't have a chance. Shouldn't you at least get a chance to fight?
Holy hell am I going to have good run tomorrow...

5 comments:

Shannon Wicks said...

Sorry about your Mom's loss. I felt/feel the same way about my Grandmother being taken by cancer in 2008.

Heather said...

Sorry about your Mom's loss. Cancer is a bitch. When they diagnosed my Mom's lung cancer she had 2 months, I was her care giver, it was hard!I wished everyday that I could take her pain away .I watched her die day by day,and the only thing I could do is try to make things comfortable for her.
It's hard to explain.A person doesn't really understand it till you are put through it.There is a sense of relief in the end, knowing that there is no more pain for them.I know it made things better for her in the end just having me there with her.The important thing is NEVER TO FORGET THEM.

Keith said...

Cancer is a bitch. So are all the other diseases that kill us, or diminish us. But life isn't fair. And really, and I'm being kind here, quicker is better than slower when it comes to cancer.

Julie said...

The anger you are feeling is totally normal -- we all grieve and react in different ways.

Melissa said...

I'm really sorry to hear about her passing away. Julie put it well, anger is part of the grieving process. Sometimes you just can't get an answer but you have to put faith in the fact that there is a reason for everything. I still get really sad and upset when I think about my friend who was on one of the Sept 11th planes and it really pisses me off that such a wonderful person and spirit was taken away like that. Over the years that anger hasn't gone away but some acceptance has arrived.

Sorry to talk about myself, but I feel like I can relate to the anger part. Be there for your mom and her BFFs family. You have a big heart!

-Melissa

Kelly's Favorite Quotes

  • You can quit and they don't care...but YOU will always know.
  • You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do. - Eleanor Roosevelt
  • "Always maintain composure and class. Hard work will yield results" - I live my life by this one
  • "Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality that guarantees all others." - One of my favorite historical figures
  • "Don't hug me Mom, you are all sweaty!" - My 5 year old
  • "You're gonna run a 1/2 marathon in February, in ski pants?"-My Co-Worker
  • "Go for it! Let us know what you need." - My Boss
  • "It ain't the man in the fight, it's the fight in the man." - My Dad
  • "You signed up for...what?" - My Spouse