1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
4 comments:
Pretty good list. However:
2: Eggnog by itself is disgusting, and worse if there's good booze in it. Waste of good booze.
7: that advice is good, as far as it goes. But what you really do is make a public service announcement that those particular cookies aren't very good at all, and some other cookies (at the other end of the table) are much better.
9: Fruitcake, done right, is really good. Done right. Needless to say, not much fruitcake is done right.
All excellent advise Kelly....several additions..
1) start with the deserts and if you have room eat anything else after that.
2) if you find a certain desert you like just take the entire plate/pan and eat right from that
Sorry Keith there is no such thing as a good fruitcake....anything that can be frozen for a decade and subsiquently thawed and taste exactly as it did when freshly made is not food!!
LOL these are great thank you so much Kelly. X2 with the fruitcake, only thing its good for is re-gifting. Make someone else suffer trying to eat that crap!!
LOL at this whole post, but mostly the fruitcake one.
Happy Holidays, Kelly!
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